Yesterday we went to NJs finest dinning restaurant (without cutlery): Medieval Times! In a rented party bus, sporting a strip pole. For those of you who do not know of the concept of Medieval Times here is the link: http://medievaltimes.com/.
Now it is time to stop being objective and start getting down and dirty subjective.
Medieval Times is a shameless stupidity, much like the Eurovision Song Contest, but for knights. And how dumb isn't that since there are no knights?
So what is it, what goes on?
Well a bunch of people with no acting skills dress up in fancy colourful dresses and fake armour and "act" out a story about good and evil, love and betrayal that leads up to and ends with very bad mock fighting, and ultimately a gift shop. Meanwhile the audience is divided into six different camps set up to cheer on a specific knight in the tournament while fed grilled food whit no cutlery. And I might add that the food was tasty although the chicken was a bit over cooked.
So there is a mock tournament in the end and the evil knight runs around and fights everyone else to the kings over acted dismay while the princess pretends to miss her beloved prince while she is shamelessly carousing the knights in the background (for the last part I have no prof except for the princess complete lack of interest in her betrothed and kidnapped prince while giving lip service to the contrary, and of course my own imagination, as so often before.)
Some people in the audience bring their own plastic cutlery, which the people running the show frown up on and try to stop through public humiliation and finger pointing, which I admit that I like. But still: the plastic cutlery has its place in Medieval Times as much as let us say nylon garments, industrially processed food, plastic chairs, smoke machines and coloured floodlights to just name a few.
Now we are getting to the good part: Our knight won! Go red!
Like any good American sporting event the outcome has been rigged, just like in wrestling in the WWE or boxing on ESPN.
So what did I do to make it interesting? Easy! Find a bunch of kids in any other team and start winding them up! Then continue winding them up for as long as it lasts and finally win the damn thing so that you may shove it down their annoying little kid throats. Then take the party bus back to Manhattan.
Will I go again: probably not. Did I wish to have my time and money back? No, I am happy that we did this and I am grateful that I was invited. If you get a chance you should try it, but it is a drunk event in many respects, just like the Eurovision... but for knights.
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